Words Haiku

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Words, words, words

Prose. Grammar. Sentence structure

Blogs. WordPress. Wattpad

 

So many things to remember

So many places to post

Yet am I doing it for the love?

 

The love of writing

The love of creating new worlds

The love of creating imagination

 

Some days I do

Some days I don’t

Some days it’s like torture

 

Straining for the next word

The next plot twist

The next rhyming pattern

 

I know my writing isn’t phenomenal

Often average at best

Writing poems that should be laid to rest.

 

I’ll never be famous

But if I turn a single frown upside down

I guess it would have been worth it

 

 

So dear Internet stranger

I bid you farewell

May my words be more than just that.

 

Words.

Enemies and War

It’s almost like she wants war

And if she does the fighting will soon be on her door

Forcing it’s way in if she likes or not

Because war has many casualties

Friendship, interest,  love and enjoyment

But most important, peace.

 

For a while she will try to fight back

To continue the very thing she started

The very thing that I have patiently being enduring

Waiting for her to grow up and stop

But as the nights grew longer & the days shorter

My patience grew thin

And as she started hacking into me about missing part of a class

I decided there and then.

 

War had been declared

If that’s what she wanted, I would give it to her

I will wait patiently

Working away against her slowly

Doing the things she hates, precisely

Until in her frustration and her anger

She will realise the foolishness of her ways

And reminisce over those wasted days

 

Her anger would turn to sadness

As she realised what she had inevitably caused

Her tears would form a pool in which she sat

Wishing away about what if she could have just changed this

Or changed that.

 

And so I would win.

My victory still a victory

But empty and meaningless

As I had achieved nothing through this war,

Except to express my disgust at her even more.

 

Whatever fragments of our relationship would be dead,

Lying cold on the ground, bullet in the head.

Other friendships would limp away

Their injuries a result of being caught and forced into the crossfire

The crossfire between two who had once been friends

But were now enemies.

I Wish Most Days

I wish most days I didn’t know where we stand.

And yet sadly I do.

Struggling with all these feelings that course through me.

Each one about the same person. You.

 

You say that you don’t want a relationship at the moment

And I respect that.

You say that I am just a good friend to you

And I understand that.

 

But it doesn’t change the way I feel.

That ache in my gut when I see you run and hug someone that isn’t me.

 I wish I could honestly change how I feel about you.

Not that because you’re not worthy of my affection.

But to slowly fall head over heels for someone that isn’t interested.

Is the worst type of pain.

 

I hope as the days pass, and time flies on by.

That these feelings will fade and eventually die.

Because it is honestly better not to like anyone at all.

Then have your feelings not returned.

 

Maybe I am pinning & mourning

At the funeral of what I dreamed, hoped could be

Either way I just wish there was just some way you could understand

Without making it a funeral for our friendship.

 

Part of me wants to withdraw all together.

As every time you smile at me, I get a lump in my throat

Every time you laugh, I hear an angel’s symphony

 

I’m not trying to make you out a some perfect angel

Cause I know you’re not

I’m sure you take massive shits

And let out the most foul farts

 

But for some reason I am fine with that.

For some bloody reason I see everything about in a positive light

Like I am looking through tinted sunglasses

 

And as much as I want to take off those sunglasses

I can’t.

 

Is It Well With My Soul?

Is it well with my soul?

When troubles mount up and the skies grow dark, is it to the Lord whom I turn to for help?

When I hate what I see in the mirror

When I cry tears of pain

When I gasp mouthfuls of hurt

When the world comes crashing onto me

When I struggle with the apathy of not giving a damn

 

Do I turn to the Lord?

Is it well with my soul?

 

Every time I turn aside

Fapping to porn. Addictive games.

Each time looking a brief ride

To leave my responsibilities and my anxiety

 

Yet the more I do it.

The more hollow I become.

The longer I stare at that screen

The more I can see myself slipping away

Pixel by pixel

 

Not because I struggle with my horniness

Nor because I enjoy video games sometimes that I become enraptured in them.

It is because for that short amount of time

Or some days, a long amount of time

I no longer place the Lord as the most important in my life

Instead I replace him, in all his majesty, love, peace and patience

With something that should never be there.

 

So Lord God.

When the walls come crashing down.

When my friends forsake me

And my family hates me

May I always find refuge in your embrace

May it always be well with my soul

 

Not so that I can only lean on you in the hard times.

But through both the good and the bad

May the Lord my God, My Saviour.

Be the only thing in my life that I ever need. Ever want. Ever had.

All My Life I Have Wanted To Be In Love

All my life I have wanted to fall in love.

I love the desperation.

The honesty.

The vulnerability.

The love.

I have liked many a girl. I have even possibly come close to loving one.

Yet I never thought that this would happen.

I never thought I would fall out love.

I never thought that my feelings would sink away.

Each day a little more of the pool in my heart, drying up.

And as much as I hated the pain of knowing that my feelings for her were not returned.

The bittersweet pain of her not even thinking of me in more than just a friend.

I hate this more.

I no longer have no pain to cling desperately onto, like a drowning sailor.

My fingernails digging in with all might as my lifejacket is slowly wrenched from my grip.

As she slowly escapes the aspirations of my heart and dreams.

Instead I now stand at the shores of my heart.

Watching in the distance the beauty of the sea.

Yes, I still see the storms.

The waves.

The deadly currents and the sharks slowly circling.

But out there at least I had the occasional glimpse of hope.

Of rescue.

Of my lifejacket.

Of my aspirations.

Of her.

Instead I now stand here, the waves now crashing at my feet. The sand running between my toes.

I am trapped on a desert island.

Devoid of life.

Devoid of feelings.

But I want to care about her once again.

I want to slowly sink under the waves, with her almost within reach.

People Would Say

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People would say she is good looking.

I’d say she is breathtaking.

People would say she is just another person on a statistic.

I’d say that she invades my thoughts night and day.

People would say that her character is ordinary.

I’d say that her jokes make me laugh. Her mannerisms make me smile.

People would say that her passions are noble, but unrealistic.

I’d say that they inspire me to do more. To feel more.

People say that she is just another fish in the sea.

I’d say that she is the sea. Captivating. Mysterious. Exquisite.

People say that this is just puppy love.

I’d say that I don’t know. But whatever it is, I never want it to stop.

People say that you should hold back your feelings – “Wait till you’re older to have a relationship.”

I’d say ”How can one simply stop a tsunami?”

 

For that is what she has done to me.

She has crashed through my barriers.

Invaded my thoughts.

Maybe it is puppy love.

Maybe I should not be encouraging these feelings.

But to be honest, I don’t give a damn.

 

I just want to get to know her better.

I liked her far more than just a friend.

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Heart beating fast.

Memories of failures past.

Will I simply fail.

Or will I hopefully prevail.

 

The same question haunts me

The future, a scary open sea.

What will happen, I do not know.

But to fail to try is the foe.

 

And so I approach where she stands.

Her hair. Beautiful eyes. Soft hands.

My words freeze in my throat.

How can my words even begin to note

 

Her perfection. Her imperfection.

Both of which I love. Both of which have won my affection.

But at the end of the hour. At the end of the day.

I could use all the poetry in the world to simply say.

 

” I like you far more than just a friend.”

 

Love

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Love.

The smile that brightens your face when you see that you have a text from her.

Love.

The lump in your throat when she smiles and looks your way.

Love.

The way that her black wavy hair delicately brushes over her exposed shoulder.

Love.

The twinkle in her eye when she looks at you with some hidden joke.

Love.

The sound of her laugh reaching my ears like a bubbling brook watering a cracked desert.

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